


The Girl's Room

by ioverheardthis



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Gen, i should tag it just to be safe, kind of?, mentions of past bullying, mentions of slight internalized homophobia, this is basically just a sleepover talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 02:32:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10687974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ioverheardthis/pseuds/ioverheardthis
Summary: Just looking to swap rooms with Yuffie for the night, Cloud comes to realize that rooming with Aerith and Tifa might be more than just a way to avoid Barret's snoring.





	The Girl's Room

“Nuh uh. The boys stay in one room, an’ the girl’s get the other. Those are the rules, Cloud, an’ I don’t care about your dumbass excuses!”

Heading towards Nibelheim from Cosmo Canyon, we as a group collectively agreed to stop at a small town to sleep for the night so we would be rested up by the time we reach my hometown; Yuffie was antsy and bugging everyone, Barret was annoyed by the long drive, Nanaki needed to stretch his legs, and even I can admit to almost falling asleep at the wheel.

Barret had just returned from the front desk with two room keys, and I guess overheard me asking Yuffie to switch tonight. The truth is, I hardly sleep at all when sharing a room with Barret, and I can gather from stories from Tifa that Yuffie falls asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow. I’m tired and anxious about returning home, so I just want to share a room with Tifa and Aerith for tonight. Yuffie’s absolutely fine with switching; she doesn’t care at all, she just wants a bed. Barret, however, looks as if he wants to smack me over the head for suggesting it.

“But Yuffie doesn’t care!” I protest, gesturing to the girl lounging across the couch picking her nails without a care in the world for the argument taking place in the inn’s lobby. It wasn't exactly easy to ask the girl to switch—I had to approach the subject carefully; she could've easily dismissed me or called me a creep and then I would be stuck with Barrett, but instead, she shrugged and flopped down on the couch. I didn't miss her suspicious look, but thankfully she didn't say anything.

“That’s not what I mean,” Barret says, waving his real hand which was still holding the room keys. “I ain’t putting _you_ in a room with _them_!” He points accusingly at me and then gestures towards Aerith and Tifa who are sharing the adjacent couch and actually paying full attention to the argument in the lobby.

Angry and offended, I open my mouth but then stop myself. Barret would just ignore any explanation from me. I could argue all day about not being interested in whatever Barret thought was gonna happen by putting me in a room with girls but it wouldn’t make any difference. Besides, admitting that I’m not interested in _them_ like _that_ might raise questions, and I didn’t feel like talking about it.

“Whatever…” I finally say with a resigned sigh, wrapping my arms around myself. I knew I was acting like a child, but I didn’t care; I figure that I at least deserve to choose my own room, and even if I were being a creep, Tifa and Aerith can handle themselves. I shouldn’t have to answer to Barret anymore; it’s not like I’m working for him.

I know Tifa has been watching me closely ever since we decided to go to Nibelheim—I can feel her dark eyes on me now. A moment passes before she stands up.

“Barret, stop being so backwards!” she barks, stepping up to Barret and taking one of the room keys from him. “C’mon, Cloud, we don’t mind if you share with us.”

Aerith gets to her feet as well and gives me a reassuring smile before following Tifa. Barret looks as if he wants to stop us, but he grits his teeth instead and throws his arms up in frustration. I hear him bark an order at Yuffie and Nanaki before he’s stomping up the stairs behind us.

 

I feel a bit awkward as we ascend the stairs, like maybe I had caused a scene in the lobby. I start to doubt whether I have any right to ask to switch rooms, or maybe Yuffie was only switching because she felt like she couldn’t say no to me, or maybe Tifa and Aerith actually don’t want me in their room.

In the hallway, as Barret fiddles with the room key, I look to Nanaki and Yuffie.

“You guys good?” I ask tentatively.

Barret finally gets the door open and stomps inside without so much as a word to the rest of us, and Yuffie rolls her eyes pointedly at me before she follows.

Nanaki gives me a smile. “Goodnight, Cloud,” he says politely, stepping into his room and kicking the door closed with his back paw as a response.

I let out a relieved sigh, glad that’s over: maybe now I can actually get some decent sleep for the first time in ages.

 

However, my heart plummets when I enter the small, dimly lit room. Along with the tiny bathroom, there are only two beds and a small chair next to a table in the corner. Fuck my life—it looks like I’m sleeping on the floor, unless I can convince the girls to share a bed.

Tifa and Aerith are already sitting on the edge of each bed, talking across the small gap. After a few questions and a couple grunts from me, we agree on bathroom shifts and Aerith gathers her things from our travel bag before disappearing off to the bathroom.

I feel Tifa’s eyes on me again and I want to groan; I don’t feel like talking.

“What’s wrong, Cloud?” she asks hesitantly.

I sit in the small chair in the far corner, avoiding Tifa’s gaze. “I can sleep on the floor,” I offer with a hollow voice. I don’t want to seem so pouty, and Tifa probably thinks I’m overreacting but I’m tired and grouchy, and right now I’d rather sleep in death than on the floor.

I see Tifa smile at me out of my peripheral vision. “Or... two of us can share. I’m sure Barret didn’t notice when he booked the rooms; he seems like he’s in a bad mood.”

“When is he not?” I grumble, looking at the pink and yellow patterns on the old, green carpet rather than at Tifa.

Tifa giggles. “Or you can go see how many beds Barret has in his room, if you hate the idea of sharing...”

“I’ll just go sleep in the buggy.”

“Oh my gosh, sit down! I was kidding.”

I sit back down, feeling a little hopeful.

“So, when you do room with Barret, where does Nanaki sleep?” Tifa asks teasingly.

“If there isn’t a couch, he sleeps at the foot of my bed. I make him,” I add before she can question. “He’s fine with it but I’m not gonna let him sleep on the floor.”

Tifa smirks. “And we’re not gonna let you sleep on the floor. Two of us can share a bed.”

“How ‘bout you and Aerith? Would you be comfortable with that?” I ask, praying that Tifa doesn’t object.

“Sure, if that works for you,” Tifa says with a shrug.

“That was easy,” I comment.

“You don’t think Aerith and I share when we room with Yuffie? Have _you_ tried to share a bed with her? She’s a nightmare.”

“That’s rude,” I tease.

“Hey, you’re the one who won’t room with Barret because you can’t handle his snoring,” Tifa defends.

“Hey, I’m also the one with the SOLDIER hearing,” I mock, annoyance flaring up.

Tifa halts her retort and narrows her eyes in thought instead. She shifts and pulls her legs up on the bed. “How does that work, exactly? I’ve never asked.”

I shrug. “It’s kind of hard to explain. It’s not like everything has been amplified, more like I can easily focus on the things that you may not notice.”

“I notice snoring.”

I give a single laugh. “It’s _more_ noticable to me, I guess.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I told you, it’s hard to explain.”

* * *

 

When I finish with my shower, I pull a pair of sweats on and that’s it. Another thing that Barret makes me do when I room with him is put my SOLDIER uniform back on in case we need to flee. All my points about how the others won’t be ready for a quick escape just cause him to argue with me, and I get tired of hearing it.

Here, I can just wear a pair of sweatpants and the only thing hindering me is my own lack of self confidence. However, I push that to the side and just avoid looking at myself in the mirror.

I step out of the steamy bathroom into the cool air of the room. Only the lamp closest to Tifa and Aerith’s bed is lit, making the small room even darker than before, and if it weren’t for my enhanced eyesight, I would’ve struggled to make it to my own bed.

Tifa and Aerith are already in their bed, huddled close together with the comforter pulled up over both their bodies.

“You two look cozy,” I comment suggestively as I pass.

“Whatever. It’s cold and the bed is small,” Tifa says, sounding a bit shy.

“He’s just envious because he doesn’t have anyone to cuddle,” Aerith teases, making Tifa snort with an embarrassed laugh.

“Mhmm,” I hum sarcastically as I sit on the edge of my bed.

“And where is your shirt, by the way?” Aerith asks almost accusatory, pushing herself up onto an elbow to stare at me through the semi-darkness of my side of the room.

A sheepish feeling arises in my chest, but I ignore it and shrug instead. “Barret always makes me sleep in my clothes in case something happens, and I figure I don’t have to here.”

“Look at all these luxuries he gets to enjoy when rooming with us,” Aerith says to Tifa, feigning disbelief.

“Yep,” I say smugly, lounging back onto my bed.

“He’s so smug—look at him!”

Tifa turns to look at me, then rolls her eyes. “Let’s just go to sleep; Barret always wakes us up early,” she says, clicking the lamp off.

“I’m kidding, Aerith,” I say quietly, pushing myself up on an elbow and trying to see her through the dark.

“Yeah, sure,” comes her mirthful voice. “You just enjoy your own bed over there.”

“I really don’t mind to share with one of you, or both—! Whatever, never mind,” I huff, face red when she laughs, falling back on the mattress and pulling the blanket up to my chin.

“Ew, maybe you are being a creep,” Aerith teases.

“He’s not,” Tifa defends, and I hear Aerith give a small squeak when Tifa presumably pokes her, and then both girls giggle.

I roll my eyes and curl around my pillow, sighing.

“What was that sigh for?” Aerith asks indignantly.

“Rooming with girls,” I mutter as an answer.

“Whatever,” Tifa scoffs. “Didn’t you room with a bunch of boys in SOLDIER before making First? Boys are just as obnoxious.”

“Hardly,” I counter, but I know Tifa is right: boys are just as obnoxious. “And how would you know?”

“Uh, I used to have tons of sleepovers as a kid; boys are so obnoxious.”

“You can't judge all boys off of those dumb boys who hung around you.”

“Just because they were obnoxious doesn't mean they were dumb!”

“So you agree they were obnoxious?”

Aerith is giggling as we bicker but otherwise staying quiet whereas I thought she would have something smart to say.

“That is, until we reached the age when boys and girls weren't allowed to sleep in the same room anymore,” Tifa continues, ignoring me, sounding thoughtful and a little remorseful.

“I guess Barret was taught the same thing as us,” I comment.

“Oh, that is so stupid!” Aerith finally cuts in. “How about give your kids some sexual education instead of cutting them off from each other?”

I jolt in surprise. “Whoa, Aerith!” I say quickly, trying to stop her rant before it starts.

She giggles. “Sorry…”

“We’re all adults here,” Tifa reasons.

“You get what I’m saying, right?” Aerith says, a bit quieter and I know it’s directed at Tifa. Tifa must have agreed because Aerith continues. “Because of that upbringing, Cloud can’t even ask to room with us without getting flustered.”

I scrunch my nose at that; I hate being talked about, especially when I’m in the same room.

“Didn’t you just tease him about being a creep?” Tifa’s voice is hushed too, and I’m certain I’ve now been excluded from the conversation.

“He knows we both think Barret’s a backwards idiot.”

My blood runs cold at Tifa’s next hushed words, “No, I... I don’t think Cloud’s interested in us like that anyway.”

Confusion and anger flickers through me, but it fades as quickly as it arose. It’s like I don’t know what to feel anymore. Why Tifa would bring it up to Aerith, and bring it up _right now_ is beyond me.

I can’t think of anything to change the subject. Would Aerith even understand what Tifa meant? I wait with baited breath for Aerith’s response, the heat of embarrassment creeping up my face... maybe I’m even a little ashamed. I can’t see either of their expressions and I can’t gauge their reactions, so I’m not sure what their thoughts are about this conversation.

It’s nerve wracking to not hear a response, and I’m starting to wonder if I should say something. Maybe I should laugh? Brush it off as a joke and then go to sleep.

 

A moment later, I see Aerith’s silhouette as she sits up to look at me over Tifa’s body.

“You don’t like girls like that, do you Cloud?” she asks, all hint of mirth gone from her voice; she’s dead serious.

“Aerith,” Tifa says incredulously, propping herself up on an elbow.

I see Aerith’s silhouette shrug. “It’s a feeling I get from him.”

I sit up too, curling around my knees, debating whether or not I should just lock myself in the bathroom, or maybe I should take up my earlier threat and actually go sleep in the buggy.

Is it possible to exude _that_? It must be, since Tifa apparently gets the same feeling from me.

Tifa is the last of us to sit up, and she clicks on the bedside lamp. “Cloud, I’m sorry for bringing it up,” she says quietly as if talking too loud will scare me away. “I just... well, I think you should think about it.”

I don’t respond. I’ve never been directly asked like this, so I haven’t thought about it my answer seriously. I’ve pushed it away whenever the feelings emerged, distracted myself, pretended I wasn’t interested in anyone anyway.

Tifa takes a deep breath and shifts so she’s completely facing me. “I just feel like you don’t know yourself anymore, and maybe this might help... a little. Like... an identity, or something. I don’t know. I’m sorry—!”

“It’s fine, Tifa. You’re right, I should think about it.” I huff and curl around my knees tighter, “but I just... don’t know…” I used to know exactly how I felt, even if I didn’t want to feel it and vowed to never let anyone I knew know. Now, I’m not sure how I feel, and I’m not sure if how I feel is actually changing or I’ve just convinced myself from being in denial for so long.

I gaze out across the room at nothing, avoiding their gazes. My heart is still beating fast, and I can't find anything to say. It feels like I’m running out of time to talk to them about this; if I don’t do it now, it might never come up again. But on the other hand, I don’t want to talk about this at all.

“It’s okay to question, Cloud,” Aerith offers sweetly. “It’s okay to not know yet.”

In the dim light, I give Aerith a shy, but grateful smile.

“You’re always gonna be our friend, Cloud,” Tifa adds encouragingly, “no matter what.”

Tifa knows where we come from; what kind of small town Nibelheim was. Tifa understands how anything outside the norm was handled by the small-minded residents: we both were raised a certain way and taught certain beliefs that we both had to unlearn when we went to Midgar.

“Thanks, girls,” I say shyly. I shift away again and grimace. “My mom—she, uh... she suspected too, I think. She would always hint that there were ‘too many temptations in the city’. When I visited, she kept trying to talk me into getting a girlfriend. I guess she thought SOLDIER would turn me gay.” I laugh sarcastically at myself, gazing down at my hands without really seeing them, “she was probably right… but…”

Aerith scoffs. “Nothing can _turn you_ gay, Cloud. If you’re gay, you’re gay.”

“I dunno if I’m gay,” I mutter, embarrassed by myself; it’s like they opened the floodgates and everything going on in my head about sexuality since the time I hit puberty came rushing out.

“Do you not like girls?” Aerith questions.

“It’s not like I d-dislike them,” I stutter. “It’s just... I can’t really... picture myself with a girl… for the rest of my life, y’know?”

“What about boys?”

“I don’t know, Aerith,” I lament, crossing my legs instead and leaning my arms on them, feeling frazzled.

“Well, that’s fine. It takes a long time to figure it out, for some people,” she says soothingly as I scrub my hands through my hair.

“But I feel like I used to know,” I protest, my voice verging on desperation. Maybe Aerith can help me; she seems to know a lot about this, or at least she’s patient enough to talk with me about it. “Maybe it changed? I don’t know... I don’t want to question, but I’m not sure anymore.”

I thought I knew how I felt, even if I didn’t want to feel it. But then I returned to Midgar after leaving SOLDIER and met back up with an older, beautiful Tifa. I’m not sure if I just appreciated seeing her again after so long, or if how I felt meant something else. And then I met Aerith, and the same feeling washed over me.

Aerith responds with more encouragements, but just then a stabbing pain shoots through my head and that distant voice makes me miss what she says.

_Don’t question_ , the voice says.

“You okay?” Tifa asks, sitting up a bit straighter and looking worried.

“Yeah…” I say, feeling a little dazed like I do every time I hear that voice. “I’m just tired and my head hurts.”

“We should go to sleep,” says Aerith.

I yawn loudly at the sound of that and Aerith giggles.

“You’ll figure it out, Cloud,” she assures, laying down next to Tifa again.

“Take your time,” Tifa adds encouragingly before she turns off the lamp.

 

As soon as I lay down, there’s a quiet scratching at the door. Suspicious, I sit right back up.

“That sounds like Nanaki,” Tifa says as she makes to get out of bed.

“Hang on, I’ll get it,” I offer, the awkwardness of our conversation still hanging thick in the air, but Tifa is already standing.

“I got it!”

Tifa opens the door, and the hall-light reveals that it is Nanaki.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly.

“Come on in,” Tifa says, ignoring his vague apology.

“Thank you.” Nanki walks past her as she closes the door, and his tail illuminates a small circle around him. “It’s just that... sleeping at the bottom of the same bed as Yuffie is very difficult; she is very small—but... And, well, there isn’t a couch, and Cloud says—”

“You don’t have to explain, Nanaki,” I say softly, sparing him. “C’mon, get up here.”

“We understand,” Aerith chimes in.

“Thank you,” Nanaki says again as he trots over to my bed. “I know that you wanted your own bed tonight—”

“That’s not it; you’re fine,” I reassure him, patting the mattress for good measure, “I’m just avoiding Barret’s snoring!”

Nanaki chuckles, as he climbs up the foot of the bed. “His snoring doesn’t bother me; you should hear my grandfather. Yuffie, however, could wake the dead with her fidgeting.”

“We know,” Tifa and Aerith say in unison and I smile.

I settle back down in bed as Nanaki curls up at my feet. I kind of missed the comforting light of his tail softly illuminating a small portion of the room.

“You good?” I ask him, peering over my shoulder at the foot of the bed.

“Yes, Cloud. Thank you. Sleep well,” he responds, swishing his tail a few more times over the side of the mattress before relaxing.

“You too,” I say. Then I turn my head, “you girls good?”

I hear Aerith giggle, but by the sound of it, I know it wasn’t for me but for Tifa who had just settled in next to her.

“Yeah, Cloud. Goodnight!” Tifa answers, and I can practically hear her smile in her voice.

“Goodnight, Cloud!” Aerith echos.

“Goodnight,” I say to the room at large once Tifa and Aerith both also bid Nanaki a good night.

I close my eyes, listening to the rain outside that has just started. I realize I would’ve also missed the sound of Nanaki breathing; I don’t mean to be patronizing, but he sounds a lot like a cat when his breathing gets deep in sleep. He’s also extremely warm—even at the foot of the bed, I can feel the heat radiating off him... it might be his tail.

Tifa and Aerith murmur to each other for a few minutes before they fall asleep.

I sigh contently; this seems like a good arrangement.

* * *

 

I wake up the next morning to a wild knock on the door, and in my hazy mind, I process enough to know that Tifa is getting it by her murmuring voice.

“Good morning!” comes Yuffie’s cheerful voice from the doorway.

Laying on my front, I stifle a groan into my pillow. It could be worse, I guess—it could be Barret coming to wake us up.

Tifa and Aerith can barely get out their responses before Yuffie is laughing. I crack an eye open to see her run over to me, and she launches herself on my bed.

“Yuffie!” I grumble over the squeaking of the bed, but I’m not actually mad. It’s not like being playfully tackled on a mattress by a tiny teenager hurts.

“Wake up, you bum!” she calls, still giggling. She sits up on her knees and bounces a few times before she halts. “Wait—are you naked!?”

“No, I just— _Yuffie_!” My explanation turns into a yelp when she lifts my blanket. I swat at her hands, “stop that!”

Yuffie collapses on my back, cackling. “I had to check!”

I groan, shifting so my back is to her.

“Barret makes him sleep in his daytime clothes, so he was rebelling,” Aerith offers, also laughing.

“Wha—he didn’t make me do _anything_!” Yuffie exclaims, making the mattress jolt again as she shifts to look at Aerith.

“He’s nice to girls, apparently,” I complain, my voice slightly muffled by the blanket I’ve now pulled over my head.

I hear Tifa mutter something to Aerith before the bathroom door closes, and I’m glad Tifa went first in the bathroom: now Aerith can entertain Yuffie.

“Well, maybe we should dress you like a girl again, Cloud,” Aerith teases.

“Wait—! Cloud dressed _like a girl_!? And I  _missed it_!?” Yuffie cries.

“It was a _disguise_. I didn't ‘dress like a girl’,” I clarify, poking my head out of my blanket cocoon.

“Yeah... that dress was made specifically for you, wasn’t it?” comes Aerith’s thoughtful voice.

“Mmhm,” I grumble, burying my head into my pillow. It wasn’t exactly easy to get that disguise, and I’ll be damned if someone insists those clothes belong to anyone but me.

“So you _did_ wear a dress, right!?” Yuffie asks excitedly.

“And a wig,” Aerith answers.

“Aw, Cloud—I bet you looked so nice,” Yuffie coos, petting my hair.

“He did,” Aerith laughs.

I sigh deeply, closing my eyes before I could roll them.

“Cloud, Tifa just went into the bathroom; you can lay there until we’re both done,” Aerith offers, seeing me visibly relax once Yuffie starts to pet my hair.

“Hey, don't encourage him to go back to sleep!” Yuffie protests.

“Rich, coming from the one who's petting my hair,” I mutter.

“Does it put you to sleep?” Yuffie asks, then she gasps, gripping my hair instead. “Oh! We should harness this power and put it into materia! It'll be Hair Petting Materia: instantly puts monsters to sleep.”

“We have Seal Materia, Yuffie,” Aerith giggles.

“Yeah, but this is a different tactic - one monsters will never see coming! We’ll look nice to them before we—!” She grunts and the mattress jolts as she presumably stabs at the air.

Aerith hums. “Hmm… I don't know how to make materia, but that's a good idea.”

I smile into my pillow, glad Aerith is here. “Y’know, you just called me a monster, right?” I tease.

“I didn’t mean you!” she snaps, letting go of my hair to smack the back of my head.

Despite her brattiness, I chuckle.

“Yuffie, how about we leave Cloud alone?” Aerith asks sweetly. “He doesn’t get to sleep in often.”

“Fiiine,” Yuffie pouts as she flops down next to me, “but I’m not doing anything…”

Aerith sighs from the edge of her bed—clearly, that’s not what she meant but I don’t mind. It could be worse; at least I’m still laying in bed. Her sigh turns into a fond laugh when Yuffie lifts my blanket again to cover herself and I offer her more.

“Isn’t Cloud sweet?” Aerith asks, seemingly to herself, but then I hear Tifa laugh.

“They’re cute,” Tifa agrees before I hear the bathroom door close again: that's Aerith’s turn, I guess.

I roll to my front again, and Yuffie slings an arm over my back and snuggles her face into my shoulder blade. I hide my grin into my pillow; she’s such a child.

“Is Nanaki in here?” I ask the room at large. I haven’t heard from him this whole time.

“He’s with Barret,” Yuffie answers, a bit muffled.

Tifa’s pretty quiet as opposed to Aerith, and she lets me and Yuffie lay in comfortable silence.

 

“Alright, Cloud, you’re up!” comes Aerith’s chime all too soon, yanking me out of a daze.

I draw a deep sigh as Yuffie pushes herself off me.

I sit up and swing my legs over the edge of the bed and Yuffie makes an odd squeaking sound before I feel her warm fingers on my back.

“Whoa, _holy shit_!! Where’d you get that scar!?” she exclaims.

“Yuffie! Language,” Tifa scolds.

I hear Aerith’s barely concealed laughter. “She rooms with Barret now, Tifa.”

Reflexively, my hand goes to the scar on my chest; the coinciding scar - I can _feel_ it’s connected to the one on my back. I wince as my fingernails dig themselves into the gnarled skin, and then I relax my hand.

“Dunno,” I mutter to Yuffie over my shoulder, managing to keep my voice steady. “You get lots of scars you can’t remember the stories that go with ‘em when you’re SOLDIER.”

I shake my fingers out as I stand, ignoring the stinging crescent-shaped marks I couldn’t help but give myself. I couldn’t stop—for a moment, I felt compelled to rip the vile scar from my chest. The eerie feeling that gripped my lungs for that split second still lingers, but I push the thought away.

“You’ve got ‘em all over the place,” Yuffie says, examining me.

I clench my jaw and hum a note, embarrassed.

I try to hide my scars from Aerith’s eyes as I make my way towards the bathroom, but like Yuffie said, I’ve got them all over the place. I feel stupid for not wearing a shirt, and I can’t wait to hide away in the bathroom.

Reading me, Aerith drops her gaze and redirects her attention. “Why don’t we go find Barret and Nanaki, Yuffie?”

“I’ll wait on Cloud,” Tifa offers from the chair.

Yuffie jumps up excitedly at the prospect of the complementary breakfast downstairs and follows Aerith out the door, leaving me and Tifa.

“Cloud?” Tifa says before I can disappear in the bathroom.

I hold my breath to stop myself from sighing, turning and leaning against the doorframe. I just have a feeling she wants to talk about last night, but I’d rather forget our conversation.“Yeah?”

She gets up and follows me to the bathroom door with her arms wrapped around herself.

I raise my eyebrows when she doesn't continue but there’s still nothing. “What, Tifa?” I ask, trying to sound gentle—whatever it is, I guess it must be important.

She finally looks at me with a worried frown. “Last night, when you mentioned those boys I used to be friends with… I remembered something.”

I fold my arms. Her thinking about them last night, what with the conversation about me we had shortly after that, is probably not good.

Tifa notes my lack of response with worry, her deep brown eyes wide with whatever memory she was thinking of. “I - I remembered… what they used to call you, Cloud… and I’m so sorry.”

I frown, my suspicions confirmed.

I remember too—it’s not like I could forget. They used to call me queer. They used to laugh at me, exclude me, all because of that word their parents had taught them—all because they framed me as one of those people their parents had warned them about. They used the word as an insult, as a way to ostracize me. Their understanding of the insult and how to use it properly was astounding for children. They used to accuse me of wanting to play with them only because I was secretly in love with them. They used to tease me about only wanting to be friends with Tifa so I could have a beard. It was terrible, humiliating, dehumanizing…

“I'm so sorry,” Tifa says again, full of remorse when she sees the memory start to dull my eyes.

I shrug, dropping my gaze to my feet. “It doesn't matter anymore.” It does. It still hurts. It's not like I can let it show, though. I have to move on, and pretending like I don't care has worked so far. Those boys don't mean anything anymore. Besides, look at us now; they're dead and gone and I became SOLDIER First Class. Deep down, I know it's wrong to think that way but it's the only thing that keeps those memories of them from hurting me. They don't deserve my sympathy.

Tifa looks troubled for a moment, furrowing her eyebrows. “Well... I—” She huffs through her nose, rolling her eyes around as she tries to think of what to say before she settles on starring a few inches to the left of my shoulder. “It does matter. It was awful… and I—I never stood up for you. I never made them stop, and I’m sorry.”

I shrug again and she looks a little crestfallen. My heart twinges at her expression and I sigh. “Thank you,” I say genuinely, mustering a shy smile, last night’s awkwardness creeping back up my chest.

By the looks of it, she’s just as awkward but she manages to push past it. “I also wanna say... I’m really proud of you for moving past that and talking about it with us last night. I’m sorry for the way I brought it up—”

I reach out and give her arm a little squeeze. “Tifa, it’s alright. If I didn’t wanna talk, I wouldn’t have.”

She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, I know; that’s the point of me saying all this.”

I let out a huff of a laugh at her sarcastic tone. “Y’know, if you ever wanna talk about Aerith…” I say, teasing her back.

Tifa looks confused for a moment before a blush melts it away. “Oh, stop!” She pushes me and I stumble back into the bathroom, snorting with laughter.

I raise my hand in defense, still grinning. “Hey, I’m just saying; I saw you two last night and don’t think I don’t see you two together when we’re—”

“Hurry up!” she interrupts, already leaning forward for the door handle and slamming the door shut on me.

The sound of the slamming door reverberates through the tiny bathroom and I chuckle softly again. I look up and catch sight of myself in the small mirror over the old fashioned sink, and for once in a long time, I don’t flinch away at my appearance.

I step closer to examine my face, glancing at my eyes quickly before focusing on the fact that the purple bags underneath them are almost gone. I think about how amazing good sleep is as I note my skin isn’t so sallow anymore either. I flick my gaze up to my mako eyes and that creepy feeling prickles through me again, so I keep going until I land on my hair. It’s messy from sleep, and combing it with my fingers does nothing—my hair has never laid flat in my life and it’ll always stick up wherever it wants to.

I think about Tifa telling me to hurry up, and watch myself grin slightly. My face alight, I actually look like myself again.

Maybe I should try to make rooming with the girls a permanent arrangement.

**Author's Note:**

> It was a challenge to find a balance between what is the “Zack memory/artificial SOLDIER attitude” persona and what is actually Cloud, but it was fun. I hope you could pick up some changes in his demeanor throughout the story. However, I wanted Cloud to be more gentle and awkward, a mixture of his true self and Zack, rather than just the asshole SOLDIER when he’s feeling vulnerable. I kind of drew inspiration from the Nibelheim inn scene in Crisis Core. And that said, I wanted it to be a bit contrary to belief that Cloud would be more vulnerable rather than guarded when headed back to Nibelheim.
> 
> But, the real reason I wrote this story was to address Cloud’s sexuality. To me, what I interpret from reading between the lines of Cloud’s character is that he’s gay. Anything that is said about his possible attraction to women comes from this time: a time when he's not himself. Having that memory of Zack who is bisexual, and the artificial SOLDIER persona is what is making the Cloud in this story question. The voice in his head is pretty ambiguous in the game and also in this story but I had Zack (who knows what Cloud's going through and why) in mind when I wrote it.
> 
> And, of course, Aerith and Tifa. Yeah, they’re probably the REAL real reason I wrote this.
> 
> Side note: Cloud’s really good with kids, and I think Yuffie warmed right up to him.


End file.
